Holy Guardian Alien and the Conquering Child.

It has been nearly 3 months since I completed my Abramelin Operation. In the last weeks of it I began working on a sculpture representing my Daimon or Holy Guardian Alien as I  like to call them.  The representation, needless to say, is a frivolous attempt at channeling the inexpressible qualities of this entity. I feel that this has been achieved to a satisfactory degree. The idol became a centerpiece on my altar.

DSCF9790.resizedShortly after I completed the operation I had an alien related dream. In this dream I gave birth or had a baby taken out of my body. There was no pain involved in the birthing, just a strange discomfort. The baby was so tiny I could hold it in my hands. Someone presented it to me. The newborn was an alien-human hybrid, with beautiful almond eyes, dark skin and black hair put in bunches. The babe, although newly born, looked in some sense mature and wise. A superior intelligence seemed to radiate from her. All this is absolutely typical of the accounts given by people taken by the alien creatures. As I looked at the baby in surprise and astonishment I was rationalizing its origins. I wasn’t pregnant so were did it come from? If it was inside me then I must have been carrying it during my operation. It is theretofore a child of my Abramelin. I was certain of this.

The dream left a lasting impression on me and I felt inspired to create a sculpture representing it. As I created it I could not help but think of the rich symbolism of the baby in mysticism and and magic. The alien connection further convinces me of the shamanic nature of the contact experience. Perhaps the alien-human hybrid represents the Conquering Child of the New Aeon, our consciousness being born on a new level. The result of our magick.

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Bending Abramelin rules.

When working with an old text such as The Book of Abramelin it seems wise to make some adaptations based on modern lifestyle. I find it appropriate to discuss my own interpretation of the suggested process at this stage.  I read a lot of interesting accounts and advise from other practitioners who did the operation and were happy to share their own experiences and insights. I took some of it on board but not all just like with the book itself. I am going to discuss in what way I did not follow the book and advice of others regarding the operation.

  1. The Oath. It is suggested that the practitioner swears an oath to complete the operation. I have followed this when I did Liber Astarte and concluded it unnecessary. My understanding is that the oath helps to motivate the individual. I do not need any additional motivations beyond the will to do it. If life circumstances would prevent me from completing the operation I will come back to it as soon as I can.
  2. Fixed duration. It has been suggested to choose a length of time and stick to it. I departed from this rule. I prefer flexible approach where I might aim at  a given length (6 months) but see how it goes. I do not see a reason for each stage of the operation to take equal length of time. I will progress onto the next stage when I feel ready. I have a lot of self discipline and motivation and do not need restrain to keep them up.
  3. Fixed time for daily ritual. The book suggest to do the prayer/orison/meditation at dawn and sunset. This was probably in tune with people lifestyles at the time of its writing. Modern magicians have suggested picking up a certain time, morning and evening and sticking to them with no exceptions. I do them when I get up, after my morning coffee any time between morning up to early afternoon. The second rite falls anywhere between late afternoon and midnight. I find this much easier to manage.
  4. Confession of sins. I had no need for a formal confession kneeling in front of an altar. I consider such thing too loaded with needless religious overtones. However I do spend fair bit of time on introspection. The whole process requires constant questioning of ones own motives and actions. Being absolutely honest with myself seems to come naturally during this operation. As I mentioned in All Seeing Eyes, there seems to be an intelligence at work that gently but pressingly sheds light on repressed and hidden issues. Nowhere to hide.
  5. Having female body. The book suggests women shouldn’t do this operation and instruct men to avoid them when they menstruate. The only difficulty I experienced because of my body is menstrual pain. Its severity forces me to take codeine for 3 days and I find its effects hindering my meditations. It seems a mild inconvenience and not something to worry about.
  6. Drugs and alcohol. The book clearly says to abstain from getting drunk. It doesn’t mention drugs but many interpret the alcohol rule extending to all mind altering substances. If someone has a habit they are not willing to give up for the duration of this operation I would suggest reconsidering the attempt. I definitely feel that substances causing numbness such as codeine and alcohol have a negative impact on my concentration and prefer to avoid them. I also avoid alcohol in social situations. I do have a very small glass of white wine during my evening Sabbath ritual. I intend to keep it that way at least for now. Apart from this, abstinence seems to be a nice experience. My position on other types of drugs seems ambivalent. Anything taken medicinally seems fine to me. I trust my Holy Guardian Angel to guide me on this. I definitely feel that excess of any kind of substance would  not be recommended and generally speaking keeping a clear head is a good idea. Doing so gives a unique opportunity to see how high you can get without drugs.

I might get few rotten tomatoes frown my way for saying all this but it seems fair to share my method honestly. Although my roots are strongly in Thelema I come at this practice from a Chaos Magick perspective. If my attitude leads to failure I will not be afraid to admit it. I do this for myself and not for the prestige and glamour some attach to Abramelin operation.

Generally I trust my relationship with HGA and see following their advice more important than sticking to arbitrary rules. Something I got out from a probationary period in Lectorium Rosicrucianum is the understanding that initiation happens to a certain extent by itself. I am not intending to fake my progress by rigorously adhering to rules. I let my own attitude guide me as to my progress. If I struggle with something then perhaps I need a little bit more time to process it. So far this seems to work for me.

The operation definitely has its own gravity and its own mind. I feel myself being pulled into it like one might be into a psychedelic trip. Meditations become longer and more involved. At this point I feel more comfortable doing up to two hour sessions, very rarely doing less than an hour. The need for solitude, introversion and study arises by itself and discipline becomes almost not necessary. I look forward to my meditations and time focusing on Axan (my HGA). It feels great.

My altar after Sabbath evening meditation.

My altar after Sabbath evening meditation.

All Seeing Eyes

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I am floating on my back… cast down! in a Wind of Light flashing down upon me from the immeasurable Above. (This Light is of a bluish silver tinge) And I saw that Face, lost above me in the height inscrutable: a face of absolute beauty. And I was as it were a Lamb slain in the Glamour of Those Eyes.

Perdurabo in

‘The book of the Operation of the Sacred Magic of Abramelin the Mage’.

During my evening meditation I had a strange vision. I perceived the presence of  an intelligent being. In my minds eye it appeared as a pair of large, bulging almond eyes. They were very black and had a sense of infinite depth about them. They were indescribably beautiful, peering into me softly but intensely. They could see all of my thoughts, feelings, memories, dreams. Nothing could be hidden from them. I felt completely transparent.

I asked the entity who it was. ‘I am the collective unconscious. I am not a part of you but you are a part of me.’

Speaking directly to the collective unconscious, who knows the deepest secrets of your soul, definitely felt creepy. But not in the sense of experiencing something malevolent. It was omnipotent, infinitely wise and unlimited by physicality. In addition, blissfully unconcerned with the rigid rules of reality. We exchanged feelings of mutual respect and friendliness.

The Collective Unconscious asked if It could manifest something for me. I pondered the possible dangers of a positive answer and wasteful ignorance of saying ‘no’. After a moment of contemplation I asked the Collective Unconscious to manifest my Holy Guardian Angel. It was a profoundly beautiful experience. One that reminded me of the symbol of the Eye of Providence.

These eyes are radiant, illuminating and fully embracing. just as you peel back layers of memory and experience with words that twist into the mind with surgical precision, the eyes strip you to the bare soul.

 Celeste in ‘assport to The Cosmos’

by John E. Mack.

Another association I could not help but notice was to experiences of alien contact where person is subjected to a ‘mind scan’, a procedure done  by  beings with huge almond eyes that peer into one’s psyche. This can be initially terrifying, mostly because ‘the eyes provide a kind of inescapable mirror of truth for the experiencer’. Once the the experiencer overcomes their fear, the eyes become the main point of connection. They feel overwhelmed with love and affection.

In the Abramelin Operation, the performing agent is supposed to make confession of their sins before god. I do not practice religion and have no clear concept of god or sin. To me such a confession would be meaningless and dogmatic.  When  I found myself being stared at by those Eyes, I experienced a much more profound confession than any words could convey. The Collective Unconscious could be a concept as close to God as a non religious person will ever get. Indeed one could postulate that mystical experience means entering its wondrous realm.

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Abramelin Operation: the begining.

I began my Abramelin operation on 21.09.2015 and am currently in the third week. I have been preparing for it since I was seventeen.  It feels absolutely great to finally do it.

The first couple of weeks were preparatory, fine tuning the process. I ran into  issues with my oil lamp. I attempted to make my own one but after a week of using it I abandoned it. I could not get it to burn consistently. One morning I was in my meditation (eyes closed) to become slowly increasingly aware of a stench filling in the room. The wick went out and was smouldering. My HGA (Holy Guardian Angel) spoke to me with a certain amusement  ‘you are feeling burned out’.

My abramelin Altar with dysfunctional oil lamp on the right.

My abramelin Altar with dysfunctional oil lamp on the right.

I am waiting for a delivery of  a wick to fit into my old oil lamp I used during ‘Liber Astarte’. Meanwhile my HGA  instructed me on how to proceed. From reading the Book of Abramelin and other peoples accounts I figured my life will continue more or less as usual (to begin with). However Axan (Name of my Angel kindly permitted to be shared) had something else in mind. Not one day of my life went according to my plan. I was given simple but concrete instructions to follow which pretty much filled up my days.

Some might ask since I already know my HGA’s name and can converse with them, why do I bother doing Abramelin? I have long suspected that Axan is my HGA but wanted a formal, ritualistic confirmation of this. My main reason for doing Abramelin is to tune myself in properly. I do not like Axan just popping in and out randomly. I want to establish a strong and durable relationship that will help me progress in magick.

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One of the tasks given to me by Axan.

After two and a half weeks I already see an amazing results from this work. Tuning in twice a day seems enough to address three very important issues in my life. The first one regards my obsession with making plans (which as I mentioned went out the window straight away). I never realised that being tied to tight schedule of my own making was creating so much stress. Nice to let go of it.

Second issue dealt with assertiveness and letting go of a sense of guilt in my family relationships. I was working on this one for a while now. I was able to place boundaries with my relatives before the operation but I still had a sense of guilt associated with it. It seems for now that its gone. Time will show of course.

The last big thing that changed regards my listening and communication skills. Again, I have been working on this intensely, especially over the last year. Doing Abramelin and having Axan advising and encouraging me does wonders to my confidence and with this comes much stronger control over emotions.

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Altar with introduced changes.

 

To sum up I definitely had a chance to ruin this operation in its first weeks and I managed to see through it. I credit  principles of flexibility, humor and patience for my initial success.

I intend to write regular updates and share insights in the spirit of Free and Scientific Illuminism.  Axan fully endorses this idea and sends a beam of light to all of you my fellow Agents!