Abramelin: Shadow in the Abyss

Another month went by and we received some sad news from Tara. Her beloved pet chinchilla, Puffmouse had to be put down. I guess I wasn’t the only one traversing an abysmal chasm. A vision of a fluffy ghost accompanied me for quite  a while.

resized-abramelin-op-mandala-08colourMeanwhile Anton succeeded in getting  a new job which he was about to start at the beginning of February. This would leave me a lot of space to myself and seemed like a natural time to advance the operation. I really wanted to up the game in preparation for the third stage but instead of improving, my meditations became erratic, disorganized and fairly empty. To my embarrassment I even fell asleep during a few of them! I was tormented by mood swings and recurring aches and pains, flu like symptom’s and few migraines. My attempts at improving discipline were constantly sabotaged. I began feeling like I had lost it and I was growing frustrated with myself.

Although my practice was far from perfect my study of cabala flourished. I spent a lot of time reading and had deep insights into the Tree of Life which fed into an understanding of my own weaknesses and strengths.   Every few days I would come out of my meditations with new ideas about all sorts of things.  I was driven by divine inspiration or perhaps madness. I figured that my main task should be to keep my mind quiet and focused. This seemed nearly impossible.

My HGA carried on visiting me and giving me encouragement. Some of our meetings were difficult, confronting me with childhood traumas, unresolved emotional issues and above all my own self doubt.  At other times I experienced pure bliss beyond description. Most meditations were simply peaceful and quiet. I still had a lot of work to do but I did feel that the worst part was behind me. I entered the final stage of my operation feeling both beaten and determined.

resized-abramelin-op-mandala-09colourThe last weeks of my operation were spent in very deep meditation, between 5-6 hours a day.  It is hard to describe these final days. I became completely immersed in the operation. The short time I could spend with Anton seemed like a different world. I was split between two realities and I felt like I was giving it all I had. At the same time I was still struggling to be disciplined and to conform to my own ideals of what I should or shouldn’t be doing. The further I got in  the process the more nervous I began to get. On some days I felt like I could carry on like this forever. At other times I wondered if I will pull through another week.

I began really missing my time with Anton and all the things I could do before I began the operation. I wanted to see my friends again and come back to writing my books. At the same time I felt so much in the other world that I found it hard to picture actually doing any of it. Lastly I began wondering if I can reach a conclusion to this all. Is there an ending?



Abramelin: In the grasp of the Dweller

Soon after I wrote my last blog In the midst of Abramelin the operation began to turn a little strange. Only couple of weeks before Christmas, Anton was made redundant. Our main source of income vanished into a thin air leaving us both adrift. The day we heard the bad news I went into my meditation shaken up. Needless to say it  wasn’t going very well.  Axan sent me a strong message to stay on track and promised it will be all right. Perhaps I needed a challenge.

resized-abramelin-op-mandala-07colourWhen myself and Anton looked at the redundancy money we figured it should keep us going till the end of March if we live on a budget. This seemed significant since it would cover the 6 months, a time I considered  as a minimum for my operation. It kept our spirits up when a couple of days later I noticed a job advert perfectly matching Anton’s skills, but we had to wait a month for the interview. Meanwhile the Christmas holidays approached.

I decided to make  Bob’s Christmas Truffles to cheer up our mood and added some used up herbs into the mix. The effects to my surprise were overwhelming. If I ever felt something even vaguely evil during this operation it was that night. It seemed to me that the walls were collapsing over me and that my altar was melting away. I had a sense that something went really wrong. The next day, on December 23rd as I left my evening meditation, Anton welcomed me with the news that Boleskine House had burned down.

resized-abramelin-op-mandala-06-colourIt seems that the Dweller on the Threshold had finally noticed me, but I was not about to give up.  Instead I fueled all my emotions into the meditations and study which was going pretty well.  Both me and Anton avoided talking about our situation and personal feelings as much as possible. It seemed better to keep them to ourselves. We faced the challenge together and gave each other all the support we could without putting additional burden on each other. It worked and my operation continued to grow in strength.

In the midst of Abramelin.

When I wrote my first Abramelin blog I had in mind a regular update possibly once every two weeks or so. At the time it seemed like a reasonable goal. I find it surprising how little time I can spare for it. There are so many different things I would like to share about this experience, the operation has many aspects worth covering. Perhaps I will revisit them retrospectively after the completion of the process. In this update I want to take a broader look at where I find myself.


Mandala from late October.

Faith must be slain by certainty, and chastity by ecstasy.

Today is my 92ndh day of the operation. I entered the second stage a month ago. My lifestyle is now strongly dominated by meditation, introspection, study and reading. The reality of my HGA (Holy Guardian Angel) becomes increasingly more tangible and my perspective on the Angel shifts constantly. To begin with it seemed possible that the angel was a figment of my imagination or the result of wishful thinking. There were moments when I considered the possibility that I experienced an archetypal force of my own psyche. My current feelings tell me that I am dealing with a powerful entity that has an independent reality. Every moment spent in the presence of the angel gives me strength, understanding and incredible amounts of love. I find it really hard to put in words.  J. Daniel Gunther describes this in The Angel & The Abyss:

While still rudimentary, compared to the later relationship we are capable of enjoying, it is nevertheless a soul-stirring experience. These first experiences are generally brief. We call these precious moments a kiss from the Angel.

I enjoy them on a regular basis. In addition to the general feelings brought upon by these experiences I also receive a lot of information. My diary is filled up with messages from my HGA. These come to me as what in UFO lore people call ‘downloads’. A sudden knowing and clarity, an illumination if you wish. The content of the ‘download’ becomes translated through my personality. What I write in my diary is me putting into words a non verbal communication.


Mandala from November.

My life is certainly undergoing a powerful transformation felt and manifested on all levels including down to earth existence in Malkuth. Some disruptive and distracting events did take place. I am unwilling to describe details for personal reasons. I will do so later. My attitude to these disruptions turned away from perceiving them as plain interference towards a view that they constitute an essential and integral part of the process. I channel all emotional states raised by changing circumstances and introspective revelations back into the operation. It seems crucially important to keep this circuit going from strength to strength.

I feel incredibly lucky to have Anton at my side. His encouragement and support make a really significant difference. I find the presence of  a loved one not only comforting but also very enriching. Without others we truly do not have a way of looking back at ourselves. Everyone performing Abramelin or a similar operation would benefit from trusted and understanding companion.


Mandala from December.

Bending Abramelin rules.

When working with an old text such as The Book of Abramelin it seems wise to make some adaptations based on modern lifestyle. I find it appropriate to discuss my own interpretation of the suggested process at this stage.  I read a lot of interesting accounts and advise from other practitioners who did the operation and were happy to share their own experiences and insights. I took some of it on board but not all just like with the book itself. I am going to discuss in what way I did not follow the book and advice of others regarding the operation.

  1. The Oath. It is suggested that the practitioner swears an oath to complete the operation. I have followed this when I did Liber Astarte and concluded it unnecessary. My understanding is that the oath helps to motivate the individual. I do not need any additional motivations beyond the will to do it. If life circumstances would prevent me from completing the operation I will come back to it as soon as I can.
  2. Fixed duration. It has been suggested to choose a length of time and stick to it. I departed from this rule. I prefer flexible approach where I might aim at  a given length (6 months) but see how it goes. I do not see a reason for each stage of the operation to take equal length of time. I will progress onto the next stage when I feel ready. I have a lot of self discipline and motivation and do not need restrain to keep them up.
  3. Fixed time for daily ritual. The book suggest to do the prayer/orison/meditation at dawn and sunset. This was probably in tune with people lifestyles at the time of its writing. Modern magicians have suggested picking up a certain time, morning and evening and sticking to them with no exceptions. I do them when I get up, after my morning coffee any time between morning up to early afternoon. The second rite falls anywhere between late afternoon and midnight. I find this much easier to manage.
  4. Confession of sins. I had no need for a formal confession kneeling in front of an altar. I consider such thing too loaded with needless religious overtones. However I do spend fair bit of time on introspection. The whole process requires constant questioning of ones own motives and actions. Being absolutely honest with myself seems to come naturally during this operation. As I mentioned in All Seeing Eyes, there seems to be an intelligence at work that gently but pressingly sheds light on repressed and hidden issues. Nowhere to hide.
  5. Having female body. The book suggests women shouldn’t do this operation and instruct men to avoid them when they menstruate. The only difficulty I experienced because of my body is menstrual pain. Its severity forces me to take codeine for 3 days and I find its effects hindering my meditations. It seems a mild inconvenience and not something to worry about.
  6. Drugs and alcohol. The book clearly says to abstain from getting drunk. It doesn’t mention drugs but many interpret the alcohol rule extending to all mind altering substances. If someone has a habit they are not willing to give up for the duration of this operation I would suggest reconsidering the attempt. I definitely feel that substances causing numbness such as codeine and alcohol have a negative impact on my concentration and prefer to avoid them. I also avoid alcohol in social situations. I do have a very small glass of white wine during my evening Sabbath ritual. I intend to keep it that way at least for now. Apart from this, abstinence seems to be a nice experience. My position on other types of drugs seems ambivalent. Anything taken medicinally seems fine to me. I trust my Holy Guardian Angel to guide me on this. I definitely feel that excess of any kind of substance would  not be recommended and generally speaking keeping a clear head is a good idea. Doing so gives a unique opportunity to see how high you can get without drugs.

I might get few rotten tomatoes frown my way for saying all this but it seems fair to share my method honestly. Although my roots are strongly in Thelema I come at this practice from a Chaos Magick perspective. If my attitude leads to failure I will not be afraid to admit it. I do this for myself and not for the prestige and glamour some attach to Abramelin operation.

Generally I trust my relationship with HGA and see following their advice more important than sticking to arbitrary rules. Something I got out from a probationary period in Lectorium Rosicrucianum is the understanding that initiation happens to a certain extent by itself. I am not intending to fake my progress by rigorously adhering to rules. I let my own attitude guide me as to my progress. If I struggle with something then perhaps I need a little bit more time to process it. So far this seems to work for me.

The operation definitely has its own gravity and its own mind. I feel myself being pulled into it like one might be into a psychedelic trip. Meditations become longer and more involved. At this point I feel more comfortable doing up to two hour sessions, very rarely doing less than an hour. The need for solitude, introversion and study arises by itself and discipline becomes almost not necessary. I look forward to my meditations and time focusing on Axan (my HGA). It feels great.

My altar after Sabbath evening meditation.

My altar after Sabbath evening meditation.

All Seeing Eyes


I am floating on my back… cast down! in a Wind of Light flashing down upon me from the immeasurable Above. (This Light is of a bluish silver tinge) And I saw that Face, lost above me in the height inscrutable: a face of absolute beauty. And I was as it were a Lamb slain in the Glamour of Those Eyes.

Perdurabo in

‘The book of the Operation of the Sacred Magic of Abramelin the Mage’.

During my evening meditation I had a strange vision. I perceived the presence of  an intelligent being. In my minds eye it appeared as a pair of large, bulging almond eyes. They were very black and had a sense of infinite depth about them. They were indescribably beautiful, peering into me softly but intensely. They could see all of my thoughts, feelings, memories, dreams. Nothing could be hidden from them. I felt completely transparent.

I asked the entity who it was. ‘I am the collective unconscious. I am not a part of you but you are a part of me.’

Speaking directly to the collective unconscious, who knows the deepest secrets of your soul, definitely felt creepy. But not in the sense of experiencing something malevolent. It was omnipotent, infinitely wise and unlimited by physicality. In addition, blissfully unconcerned with the rigid rules of reality. We exchanged feelings of mutual respect and friendliness.

The Collective Unconscious asked if It could manifest something for me. I pondered the possible dangers of a positive answer and wasteful ignorance of saying ‘no’. After a moment of contemplation I asked the Collective Unconscious to manifest my Holy Guardian Angel. It was a profoundly beautiful experience. One that reminded me of the symbol of the Eye of Providence.

These eyes are radiant, illuminating and fully embracing. just as you peel back layers of memory and experience with words that twist into the mind with surgical precision, the eyes strip you to the bare soul.

 Celeste in ‘assport to The Cosmos’

by John E. Mack.

Another association I could not help but notice was to experiences of alien contact where person is subjected to a ‘mind scan’, a procedure done  by  beings with huge almond eyes that peer into one’s psyche. This can be initially terrifying, mostly because ‘the eyes provide a kind of inescapable mirror of truth for the experiencer’. Once the the experiencer overcomes their fear, the eyes become the main point of connection. They feel overwhelmed with love and affection.

In the Abramelin Operation, the performing agent is supposed to make confession of their sins before god. I do not practice religion and have no clear concept of god or sin. To me such a confession would be meaningless and dogmatic.  When  I found myself being stared at by those Eyes, I experienced a much more profound confession than any words could convey. The Collective Unconscious could be a concept as close to God as a non religious person will ever get. Indeed one could postulate that mystical experience means entering its wondrous realm.



Holy Serpent Sigil


Holy Serpent is climbing through the hottest sun and the heaviest rains, the strongest winds and the hardest rocks to the whole emptiness on the highest top.

This sigil originated from a vision I had after visiting Loch Ness in June 2006. It would not do it justice if i do not explain the circumstances.

I first heard of Loch Ness as a child reading about the monster in  a book on paranormal mysteries. The photograph of the strange narrow loch made a very strong impression on me. It was a mixture of familiarity and exoticness.

One day I was watching a sunset over the Tatra mountains and the clouds seemed to have formed the familiar shape. I felt ecstatic, out of body, beyond time and space. I felt like I was standing on the shores of Loch Ness and had a sense that this will become a reality.

I forgot the vision and the desire until I became interested in the occult and came across the writings of Aleister Crowley. I was very inspired by Thelema and the link to Loch Ness really astonished me. Since then my dream became a goal, my true will. Incidentally this was also when I first heard about the Abramelin Operation.

Thanks to favourable circumstances and a lot of determination I moved to Scotland in 2005. Traveling to Loch Ness became now only  a question of time or more exactly money. I was barely covering my own bills but I already began planning the trip.

It was a middle of winter in Edinburgh. I couldn’t sleep perhaps from cold or hunger, most likely both. I was listening to the wind howling outside half awake in my bed. In this liminal state my mind drifted into a strange vision. I was walking up a spiral staircase in an old, stone building. I arrived at a mazanine floor and noticed a heavy wooden door, slightly ajar. I walked into an empty, circular room. At the back there was a large desk and a cloaked figure standing behind it.  They were drawing a seal of some kind. I came closer and recognise the person as Crowley at around 30. He said ‘This is for you’. I tried to remember what I saw but I couldn’t. How disappointing.

I finally managed to visit Loch Ness in early June 2006. It was absolutely amazing experience. I didn’t get to Boleskine itself but got a glimpse of it from the other side of the Loch. I really fell in love with the whole area. To stand on the shores of this loch felt to me both mystical and magickal. It was a manifestation of my true will, a fruit of my magick. It seemed also that the place welcomed me, that I had found my home.

In the days following my visit I felt supercharged with magick. It was one of these times when you begin to live it. The image of the Holy Serpent Sigil and its mantra began revealing themselves to me in glimpses and took their full form on the 6th of June the same year. In the following days I became aware of two additional sigils and mantras.

I received a clear message that all three relate to Liber AL and that I need to share them with the world. I felt very hesitant to do so. I only showed them to a very few people. They all seemed to have an interesting response to the sigils. Still, like many mystical experiences this one left me feeling like keeping quiet about it.

My own experience of working with the sigil and its mantra suggest that it helps to align oneself to their True Will, Higher Self, Genius  or Holy Guardian Angel.

Abramelin Operation: the begining.

I began my Abramelin operation on 21.09.2015 and am currently in the third week. I have been preparing for it since I was seventeen.  It feels absolutely great to finally do it.

The first couple of weeks were preparatory, fine tuning the process. I ran into  issues with my oil lamp. I attempted to make my own one but after a week of using it I abandoned it. I could not get it to burn consistently. One morning I was in my meditation (eyes closed) to become slowly increasingly aware of a stench filling in the room. The wick went out and was smouldering. My HGA (Holy Guardian Angel) spoke to me with a certain amusement  ‘you are feeling burned out’.

My abramelin Altar with dysfunctional oil lamp on the right.

My abramelin Altar with dysfunctional oil lamp on the right.

I am waiting for a delivery of  a wick to fit into my old oil lamp I used during ‘Liber Astarte’. Meanwhile my HGA  instructed me on how to proceed. From reading the Book of Abramelin and other peoples accounts I figured my life will continue more or less as usual (to begin with). However Axan (Name of my Angel kindly permitted to be shared) had something else in mind. Not one day of my life went according to my plan. I was given simple but concrete instructions to follow which pretty much filled up my days.

Some might ask since I already know my HGA’s name and can converse with them, why do I bother doing Abramelin? I have long suspected that Axan is my HGA but wanted a formal, ritualistic confirmation of this. My main reason for doing Abramelin is to tune myself in properly. I do not like Axan just popping in and out randomly. I want to establish a strong and durable relationship that will help me progress in magick.


One of the tasks given to me by Axan.

After two and a half weeks I already see an amazing results from this work. Tuning in twice a day seems enough to address three very important issues in my life. The first one regards my obsession with making plans (which as I mentioned went out the window straight away). I never realised that being tied to tight schedule of my own making was creating so much stress. Nice to let go of it.

Second issue dealt with assertiveness and letting go of a sense of guilt in my family relationships. I was working on this one for a while now. I was able to place boundaries with my relatives before the operation but I still had a sense of guilt associated with it. It seems for now that its gone. Time will show of course.

The last big thing that changed regards my listening and communication skills. Again, I have been working on this intensely, especially over the last year. Doing Abramelin and having Axan advising and encouraging me does wonders to my confidence and with this comes much stronger control over emotions.


Altar with introduced changes.


To sum up I definitely had a chance to ruin this operation in its first weeks and I managed to see through it. I credit  principles of flexibility, humor and patience for my initial success.

I intend to write regular updates and share insights in the spirit of Free and Scientific Illuminism.  Axan fully endorses this idea and sends a beam of light to all of you my fellow Agents!


Draw Monkcab Laurtil (?…?…!) Account


A while back Anton wrote a short blog about KIA Drawkcab Monk Ritual he was involved in, performed on a palindromic date. I found the idea curious and maybe even subversive. Although I always loved maths, I never really liked numbers and dates. They seem to be hard to memorise especially because of my dyslexia. I can learn a date 5/19/15 and next thing I know my mind turned it into 15/19/5 or any other combinations involving 1, 5 and 9.  Another aspect of the ritual I would usually object to, was having to do things on a precisely given time and date. A majority of traditions requiring this seem extremely dogmatic and pretentious about it.

Perhaps that’s why the idea of Drawkcab monk ritual had an appeal. It deals with numbers but in an odd way. Its  emphasis on palindromic dates in a given format seems so arbitrary that it would be hard to take it too seriously (unlike many other traditions). The concept gave me an opportunity to do something unlike most of my magick, yet in a way that still fits in with me.

Although having to come up with palindromic sentences would be nothing but tedious to me I didn’t have to worry since Anton already had some. I fueled my creativity into other aspects of this ritual. We decided to involved some star and rats and consecrate the whole thing to Meta Bob since the name BOB itself is a palindrome.

I decided to create a soundtrack combining Twin Peaks theme, Bob Marley, a lecture by Robert Anton Wilson, and (in a nod to Bob Dobbs) an Interdimensional Vortex League  track No relief from apprehension (Bob’s Twin Peaks Mix). This way we felt like we honoured many Bobs making up Meta Bob. We also included printed images of them on our altar.

The plan was to walk backwards in circles while listening to my backward remix and reciting the palindromic sentences Anton collected. The only question that remained was why? Perhaps the form of the ritual absorbed all of our attention. Not that I see anything wrong in doing magick simply for fun. Certainly slack and recreational use would be well within the Meta Bob paradigme… still it seemed like a good idea to come up with a purpose other than that.

Some of the items on the altar were shiny, reflective objects and pocket mirrors. They reminded me of my great, round scrying mirror I haven’t used in a while. I figured it could do with being charged up and this ritual constituted a perfect opportunity. Now we had a good reason to be very silly for a wile. It felt great! I only had to plat my hair like Pippi Longstocking and we were ready to go.

I have to say the ritual felt very strange and confusing. I could feel the energies of chaos swirling around and being sucked into the mirror as if it was a funnell. My conscious mind was so preoccupied with keeping to the absurd activities that I soon became completely entranced. Something that felt amusing and silly transformed into a potent magickal and hypnotic experience. By the end the mirror was left shining more brightly than our grins.



Abramelin Oil: macerating my first batch


To begin with I decided to focus  on the oil. I read about maceration methods and decided to create oils using both hot and cold maceration. I also experimented with few different alternative ingredients. The last two variables concerned using whole pieces or powdered ingredients and lastly replacing dried with fresh materials where possible. I ended up with 12 bottles of oil. All I could do at this point was to wait.


Labeled bottles of macerated oil

After initial period of 3 months I opened the bottles and smelled the results. The scent was there but it seemed a bit faint so I decided to leave them for a bit longer. I also decided to try double maceration with some of the bottles. I described my results on abramelin wiki created for this purpose.

I really appreciate the experience of macerating the oils. I perceive it as a form of meditative discipline that allows one to connect to the ingredients of the oil. Being in control of the process gives a chance to notice nuances produced by use of dry or raw ingredients etc. something we will not understand unless we macerate our own batch.  The resulting oils have a very delicate scent even after multiple macerations and will not rival essential oils in their intensity but might be more interesting in their subtle complexities.






Abramelin Oil: the early beginnings.

My research into Abramelin started in 2009. Firstly I researched different occult and magickal sites and from them I was able to compile a table showing variations between different versions of the book and comparing them to the Holy Anointing Oil of the Bible.

BIBLE German French Mathers Crowley Dehn Guth
1981 1725 1750 1893 1912 2001 2006
myrrh 1 1 2 1 2 1 1
cassia 1 1 0 0 0 1 1
cinnamon 0.5 0.5 4 2 4 0.5 0.5
galangal 0 0 0 0.5 1 0 1
calamus 0.5 0.5 1 0 0 1 0
olive oil ? ? 3.5 1.75 3.5 0.875 0.875
Rejoicing arrival of 'Plant Resins'.

Rejoicing arrival of ‘lant Resins’.

At this early stage of research I felt that the main difficulty will regard understanding how the ingredients combine together ‘according to the art of apotheracy’. The other thing that occupied my attention was identifying the plants correctly. I decided to begin by reading about plants and resins and their uses.

To research such subject requires time and money. Many books that go into detail often were not digitised and expensive to buy so I had to pay a visit to my local library and order some in. I immersed myself in literature varying in subject from science to folklore and other plant related fields.

I soon felt a compulsion to buy the plants and begin using them as incense to familiarise myself with their scents. Before this I had only smelled frankincense and myrrh and until then I never realised what I was missing out on!


Different gums and resins.