Magi For Chelsea Manning

bradley-chelseaChelsea Manning has been at the back of my mind for a very long time. We targeted her with the #opIntruder ‘you are not alone’ sigil at different points. Her presence had been growing stronger in my awareness, when last Summer I heard of her suicide attempt. I was just coming down from my Abramelin Operation. International events and politics weren’t at the forefront, even though I was seriously affected by them. I was still partly in a different world.

Since the operation my priorities changed. I began understanding the results coming from undergoing such process and wanting to implement them. I needed an intention, something to focus on. My personal situation might have been a logical priority but at the same time it didn’t interest me. Everything down here seemed a bit foggy and unreal for me. It lacked the sharp, clarity associated with the other world. I felt that my energy will be better spent elsewhere.

chelsea-manningWhen I read about Chelsea’s suicide I received a very clear message. One that stood out against the murky background of 2016. She needs help. She reached me in the here and now against all odds.

Book and letter

I decided to write to Chelsea Manning and buy her a book. The latter proved much simpler than the former.  It was a thin little copy of C.G.Jung’s ‘Undiscovered self’. One of my favourite writings on personal transformation. I recapped a few pages and found it very illustrative of Chelsea’ situation. It seemed possibly relevant to her. The contents are very political but weaved into a psychological narrative. It should be a very validating read for Chelsea.

jungI can’t remember how many times I started writing only to abandon and scrap my letter. I knew that the letter might be read by the prison staff before it gets to Chelsea. In theory everything I write could be passed on to whomever authorities find suitable. The thought of sharing my private life with Fort Leavenworth staff and possibly with the CIA and NSA definitely didn’t help. How can I communicate my message effectively in those strange circumstances, I kept asking myself.

I spend my life studying communication in its varied forms, from my degree in media to my recent exploration of Eriksonian Hypnosis. I remember reading somewhere in Crowley’s writings about attracting the attention of another person using Magick. I experimented with it on famous people during public events such as autograph signing or music concerts. Crowley considered it extremely hard to accomplish. I found it was easy but required strategy. You need to do and say something very different from what they hear usually. It might be  a trivial difference like using an obscure pseudonym or making sure your clothing stands out somehow. It’s remarkably effective. You aid it with a single minded focus and you are almost unstoppable.

dscf1616The techniques I worked with rely largely on visual cues such as body language. You have none of this in a  letter. In hypnosis you need a certain level of understanding between you and the other person. Writing to Chelsea was taking a blind shot.

After many failed attempts I finally felt like my writing began flowing. I described an experience of giving  a tarot reading to a stranger. As I did it I suddenly understood that this is what I need to do for her also. I proceeded to do a reading.

I asked for ‘The message that Chelsea needs to hear’. I drew a single card, Atu X, The Wheel of Fortune.  I interpreted the reading best I could and arranged the letter such that if she prefers she can easily skip it.

wheelWhen I was typing the words of the letter my intention was to create a pleasant and cheerful narrative describing some of my everyday life and weave into it some powerful messages that will affect her subconsciously. Before posting the letter I meditated with it to charge it with my magick, to make sure it gets to her. Once it was posted I felt a sense of accomplishment but no closure.  I waited for 6 weeks to see if the prison sends the letter back to me. I assume Chelsea received it after she was released from solitary confinement.

The group

Soon after sending the letter I  targeted The Fort Leavenworth and its staff with CE5 and Ontological Shock Sigils. I still felt it was not enough. Myself and Anton talked about engaging more agents in this. First we thought of it in terms of #OpIntruder specifically but we decided to keep it open.  Eventually we formed a Secret FB Group Magi for Chelsea Manning. Anton wrote an introduction but we didn’t advertise it right away.

leavenworth-prisonMy attention was brought back to Chelsea in November when a petition for clemency started circulating in my network. I decided it’s time to get magicians on board. There was a couple of vigils held in front of Fort Leavenworth, and the White House. It seemed a perfect opportunity to synchronise magick. We launched the group only a few days prior to the event and gathered a small number of interested supporters, some very enthusiastic, I might add.

Meanwhile some very strange events happened at Fort Leavenworth. I read a long statement released by Chelsea regarding her second suicide attempt, solitary confinement and strange intrusion into the prison of an unknown group posing as regular prison staff. These events were taking place shortly after I posted my letter. It seemed strange that the reading I did for her reached her afterwards. My message, whatever it was, would be delivered to Chelsea who tried to kill herself twice, not once.

The painting

I spent my day preparing the altar for a weekend of meditation and magick. I also did a painting based on Chelsea’s selfie. I painted her wearing  a crescent moon on her head with a star in the middle and an alien figure extending from it. The painting acts like a spell, to connect her to her Genius. Paining it was also a ritual during which I petitioned the Universe to help and grant my wish for Chelsea. When I finished I went outside to the garden, to get some fresh air.

dscf2065I looked at a cold November sky, covered with a thin layer of cloud, only a few stars  twinkling  faintly. The air seemed electrified and I felt a familiar clarity.  As I stood in anticipation a spectacular meteor fell from the sky. It originated right above me, at zenith and descended east leaving long trail like a flare. It was one of the three most amazing shooting stars I have ever seen. ‘This one is for you Chelsea’ I thought to myself. The Universe is listening!

 Chelsea

I spent Friday drafting my letter to president Obama in support of Chelsea’s plea to commute her sentence to time served.  I also pinned the petition in my browser to remind me to tweet it until it expires. Setting up an altar with a photograph of Chelsea felt really fun. I never did anything like it. I was thinking about the change she introduced into my life.

Before 2010, when Chelsea leaked the cables, I wasn’t very political. I didn’t see the point. I felt like a lonely traveller drifting through life, invisible to to others. Society seemed like a well oiled machine, a powerful system operated by human drone zombies. I had no chance to tackle something like that. Then, one of ‘the zombies’ turned out to be alive, feeling and thinking just like myself and she managed to do something incredible. I felt vindicated and empowered by that. I just didn’t realise how much at the time. Slowly, overtime, my sense of helplessness regarding politics and the economy gave way. Helping Chelsea seems like a natural thing to do.

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We incorporated into our altar LS and OpIntruder sigils, rainbow LGBT+Q hearts, Black Rats, the statue of my Daimon Axan and Anton’s pentacle. All sprinkled with colourful sequins. It felt like a party.

The vigils

We got up early morning on Satruday (2016-11-19) to meditate in front of our altar, directing protective, healing and liberating energy towards Chelsea. We had our morning coffee listening to Chelsea’s kiss and later the Amnesty International interview with Chelsea. We burned some Abramelin Incense and closed with Chelsea’s kiss again. We did the same on Sunday (2016-11-20). We synchronised these to vigils taking place at Fort Leavenworth and the White House. It was a very hopeful and heart warming experience. (We intend to repeat it on the 2016-12-17, Chelsea’s 29th birthday.)

dscf2078The sigil

During the weekend we also came up with a sigil to protect, strengthen and liberate Chelsea. This composite sigil includes two new sigils, a sigil for Chelsea Manning and another one to receive clemency. The base has a formed of a protection sigil received by one of the Operation Intruder agents. We also incorporated ‘you are not alone’ sigil in the middle top part and one strengthening OpIntruder magick in the middle bottom to complete the overall glyph.

dscf2218The absolution

As we were advertising Magi for Chelsea Manning we got a mixed response. Some magicians expressed the opinion that Chelsea brought the misery upon herself by braking an oath she has given and that nothing can be done. This perception was surprising to me but I took it on board. If some people believe in the significance of the oath then its worth addressing this. I have been researching Abramelin Oil and Incense for my upcoming book. It’s origins lie in antiquity dating as far back as ancient Mesopotamia. The Mesopotamians anointed themselves with oil whenever they signed a contract or swore an oath. They did the same to resolve one. The Greeks had a specific anointing ritual that could be performed in front of the temple to absolve themselves of guilt.

Chelsea Manning in her Amnesty International interview mentioned feeling guilty for the lives of civilians negatively impacted by mistakes committed by her department in Iraq. She might still feel that guilt. The ritual anointing would not only resolve the commitments she might have as a result of an oath but it can also be an opportunity for catharsis. Only I can not visit her in prison and anoint her!

dscf2194I made a small wax goddess figurine and carved Chelsea’s sigil onto it. In the evening, on the day I sent my letter to Barak Obama, I lit candles on my altar and anointed the statue with Abramelin Oil left over from my operation. I requested that Chelsea be absolved of guilt and free in body, mind and spirit. I asked for her pardon and clemency.

dscf2345By today the petition for her clemency collected enough signatures to grant a response from the White House.  It’s a long shot but we need to give her all we have got! She might just make it. I sincerely will it to be so. We will be boosting this magick during the upcoming weekend, especially on the 17th December. Lets see where it takes us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Piołunówka

“The third angel sounded his trumpet, and a great star, blazing like a torch, fell from the sky on a third of the rivers and on the springs of water— the name of the star is Wormwood. A third of the waters turned bitter, and many people died from the waters that had become bitter.”

Revelation 8:10-11

dscf1706Wormwood (atremisisa absinthium) is perhaps most famous for its use in making Absinthe. It can be also brewed as a tea for digestion. However, I decided to grow it in order to make my own Piołunówka  for the Black Rat.

dscf1710I hand picked some of the young shoots and combined them with other fresh herbs and spices. I popped it all in a jar with some honey and filled it up with vodka.

dscf1722I wrapped the jar in a cloth and left it on top of a radiator for a full week. I picked it up once a day and gave it a good shake to speed up the maceration.

dscf1738After a week, the time came to taste it. I wasn’t sure if it was going to be good. Wormwood is extremely bitter and if the jar was left for too long my Piołunówka would prove undrinkable. I strained the liquid into  a bottle and had a sip. To my great satisfaction and relief it tastes wonderful!

dscf1787Since it turned out so good I figured I may as well make Black Rats! I added Black Sambuca and set them on fire.

dscf1806Then I transferred them to very appropriate skull tumblers and topped them with ginger wine to finish. dscf1814Piołunówka Recipe

fresh herbs:

  • 10 Mint leafs
  • 5 Lemon balm leaves
  • 5 Borage flowers
  • 4 Wormwood shots (30grams)
  • 3 Nasturtium leaves
  • 2 Oregano springs

spices:

  • 8 Black Peppercorns
  • 5 Coriander seeds
  • 3 Cloves
  • 1 Star Anise
  • 1 Cardamon pod
  • 1 Dried Fennel umbel

other:

  • 10 Raisins
  • 3 Spoons of Honey
  • 1 Tea bag ( I used Ceylon tea)
  • 1 Litre of Vodka

Method:

Put honey in a sterilised jar and add a little bit of vodka.

Dissolve the honey by whisking the mixture with a spoon.

Place renaming ingredients and vodka in the jar, then close and wrap in a cloth.

Place in warmth for a week. Shake daily.

Strain ready Piołunówka in to a sterilised bottle.

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Power and Magic Anthology

Recently I came across the kickstarter for Power and Magic Anthology. It contains 15 comics about queer witches of color, created by 17 women, demigirls, and bigender people of color. This anthology is the kind of project I have been waiting for.  The occult community with its wide diversity of practitioners has produced many amazing books, stories and art. Although women constitute a large proportion of the magickal scene they often seem under-represented on occult podcasts, in magazines, books and other publications.

witch_featuredPeople who get interested in magick often do so because they are searching for alternative perspectives and ideas. In many cases they want to find a value system and lifestyle that can reflect their inner selves. Mainstream society being male dominated pushes aside people not conforming to the ideals of heterosexual masculinity. Even counter culture doesn’t escape this bias. Power and Magick Anthology gives space for LGBT witches to express themselves and tell their stories. I consider this very valuable and worth supporting.

LGBT issues take central stage in my life. Myself and my spouse both consider ourselves bisexual and of non binary gender. Many of my friends and family belong to the LGBT community and I suspect few more didn’t come out yet. Many of my LGBT friends also share interest in magick, witchcraft and the occult. I appreciate their knowledge and unique perspectives. I do so especially since so many magical groups focus on heteronormative narratives, rituals and beliefs. Some can even be openly hostile towards queer magicians, an attitude that most certainly needs to be challenged. It feels very encouraging to see a project that celebrates individuality for a change.

I also deeply appreciate having a chance to read stories from people of colour.  When I decided to emigrate to the U.K. I imagined making friends with people of different ethnicities, nationalities etc. It seems like an exciting opportunity to challenge the sheltered culture I was brought up in. After living here for 11 years I noticed with sadness that the vast majority of my friends are still white Europeans. I am not choosing  friends for their skin colour or birth place and yet the invisible wall exists somehow. Power and Magick Anthology certainly helps to breach it. It shows that  individuality and uniqueness have power to manifest and make an impact despite of the challenges.

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Moon(cake) Magick

I used to pay attention to the cycles of the moon but in recent years I fell out of the habit.  Celebrating the 8 festivals (Wheel of the Year) became more important to me. I began exploring Chaos Magic alternatives, linking the festivals to the 8 colours of magic. Doing so definitely added a breathe of fresh air to my magic. I can not stick to doing the same thing over and over too many times. I like change, innovation and creativity. I also realised that I miss something about playing with the moon even if all it means is having a dedicated glass of wine. I used to like the sense of timing and rhythm that came with it. I decided to rekindle my relationship with the Moon and September proved an excellent time to do it.

dscf1518In China and few other Asian countries people celebrate Mid-Autumn Festival around the time of the full moon each September. One of the main traditions is baking mooncakes and they became so strongly associated with the festival that many know it as Mooncake Festival.

dscf7187I tried them last year during the moon eclipse. I was passing through Bristol and visited my favourite Asian Supermarket late in August. The cakes were displayed together with paper lanterns and few other festive specialities. I bought couple and really enjoyed the  experience of celebrating an eclipse with them.

dscf7189Traditionally mooncakes have an egg yolk in the centre to symbolise the full moon. In addition to eating them  people  go outside to drink tea and watch the moonrise until they see the moons reflection in their teacups. They also light up lanterns, special fire structures and play games re-enacting different elements of the Legend of Chang’e and the Jade Rabbit.

Like many legends these stories seem pretty strange and have many alternative versions. I found some really good ones on youtube. The Legend of Chang’e tells a story about an Archer who shoot down 9 suns from the sky in order to save the earth from scouring heat they produced. In return for this he was offered an elixir  or a pill of immortality but his wife Chang’e drunk the elixir /ate the pill instead of him and she flew off to the moon where she still l lives.

Another associated story tells how the Jade Rabbit got its name and ended up living with Chang’e on the moon.

After baking the cakes myself and Anton decided to set up the altar. We chose a selection of moon cards from different tarot decks and combined them with a selection of seasonal magical object we like to take out of the cupboards this time of the year. We had just enough time to light up all the candles and lanterns before the moon began to rise.

dscf1520We raised a cup of ritual sake to honour the moon and admired its golden round shape travelling through the sky. The evening birdsong and scent of fresh garden herbs added to the magick. Soon we had bats flying over our heads and the chill of an autumn night chased us back inside where we could gorge ourselves on the lovely mooncakes.

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Mooncakes for two

Mooncakes are traditionally baked for Mid-Autumn Festival. You can find out about the folklore associated with them in my Moon(cake) Magick blog. They can be a great offering or celebratory snack for any moon related magic.  I improvised a recipe based on what I had in my kitchen at the time of baking. The proportions are perfect for 2 cakes.

dscf1502The filling:

  • tin of red kidney beans (200g)
  • 50g sugar
  • splash of coffee or water or anything
  • 2 eggs
  • 1tbs coconut butter (any butter will do)

The pastry:

  • 1/2 cup wholemeal flour (or plain flour)
  • 2tbs honey (or golden syrup)
  • 1tbs coconut butter (any butter will do)

Begin by making the pastry. Combine ingredients and knead until you get small ball of dough. Put this in the fridge and meanwhile prepare the filling.

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Strain the beans and pop them in the blender with the sugar and coffee/water. Once mashed transfer them onto a pan and heat stirring until mixture is thick enough to make a spoon stand. Take of the hob, add 1tbs coconut butter and mix in. Set aside to cool.

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Separate the yolks from the egg whites. Keep both. Hard boil the egg yolks. I used pouching pockets to do mine. I also sprinkled them with salt and a tiny bit of vinegar to add flavour. Once boiled the yolks really look like a moon!

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After around 45 minuted take your dough out of the fridge and divide in half. Heat oven up to 175C (350F) Roll each half thin and flat put a generous serving of bean paste in the middle, add egg yolk in the centre and fold the pastry over the top.

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Once sealed you would normally pop it in a special mould. I squeezed mine inside a cookie cutter and used few different cutters  to make a pattern at the top. Glaze it with egg whites. This will give your cakes a lovely glossy look. Bake them in the oven for around 20 minutes or until cakes are golden brown. Take out and leave to cool down.

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Daimonic Essensce Cover Art

Here is the amazing artwork by Janice Duke that will feature on the cover of my upcoming book Daimonic Essense. The book charts my journey into researching and making Abramelin Oil and Incense. It will introduce the reader to its rich historical and multicultural background dating to ancient Babylon and Egypt.  It will present the wide array of possible ingredients and their botanical identities. It includes plenty hands on instructions and recipes as well as  an abundant plant section presenting folklore and different uses for the plants. Plants can be our spiritual allies and guides not unlike the grimoire spirits themselves. Janice is currently working on the inner artwork. The text is being prepared for proof reading and I hope the book will be out by the end of 2016/ beginning of 2017.

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Holy Guardian Alien and the Conquering Child.

It has been nearly 3 months since I completed my Abramelin Operation. In the last weeks of it I began working on a sculpture representing my Daimon or Holy Guardian Alien as I  like to call them.  The representation, needless to say, is a frivolous attempt at channeling the inexpressible qualities of this entity. I feel that this has been achieved to a satisfactory degree. The idol became a centerpiece on my altar.

DSCF9790.resizedShortly after I completed the operation I had an alien related dream. In this dream I gave birth or had a baby taken out of my body. There was no pain involved in the birthing, just a strange discomfort. The baby was so tiny I could hold it in my hands. Someone presented it to me. The newborn was an alien-human hybrid, with beautiful almond eyes, dark skin and black hair put in bunches. The babe, although newly born, looked in some sense mature and wise. A superior intelligence seemed to radiate from her. All this is absolutely typical of the accounts given by people taken by the alien creatures. As I looked at the baby in surprise and astonishment I was rationalizing its origins. I wasn’t pregnant so were did it come from? If it was inside me then I must have been carrying it during my operation. It is theretofore a child of my Abramelin. I was certain of this.

The dream left a lasting impression on me and I felt inspired to create a sculpture representing it. As I created it I could not help but think of the rich symbolism of the baby in mysticism and and magic. The alien connection further convinces me of the shamanic nature of the contact experience. Perhaps the alien-human hybrid represents the Conquering Child of the New Aeon, our consciousness being born on a new level. The result of our magick.

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Abramelin: Embrace of the Angel

I was just over a month into the third part of the operation when I received  instructions to intensify my efforts.. As soon as this happened my routine began swaying like a boat that is about to go down. I felt I had reached a dead end. I could not do anything more than I already had. Perhaps I wasn’t ready for it. I thought about it hard. The finishing of the operation was supposed to include the binding of the four demonic princes. In a sense the whole operation is about that. Every moment you struggle against different aspects of yourself and of the whole universe. You meet and confront your Shadow and your True Will is supposed to triumph.

resized-abramelin-op-mandala-10colour After few days of failing to follow my HGA advice I began my morning meditation by writing a confession to my Axan in which I said that I am grateful for all I learned from them but that I wasn’t ready for Knowledge and Conversation after all. I simply do not posses the kind of power it takes to bind the four princes, my Shadow seemed too strong.

You might not have the power to do so but I do. I can bind them for you. You just have to let me.

The voice was spoken so softly and gently and yet with an obliterating force and clarity. I felt a wave of a deep peace and complete silence come over me. Axan gave me clear instructions of how to proceed assuring me that I will succeed if I follow them. I agreed. How could I not? I may have doubted myself but I learned to truly trust Axan. There was something hugely important about this decision. Retrospectively it meant doing what I feared was impossible and in itself it meant overcoming my Shadow. The inner conflict ceased. Anton kindly agreed to sleep in the living room so I could access my altar any time of night and day, should I need to.  We rearranged our living quarters to accommodate this change. The following few meditations were as usual.

It was the evening on Sunday 06 of March’16, the day 168 of my operation. I was preparing supper before my meditation when Anton called me from outside the house. Dana, come over here! You have to see this! His voice had persuasive urgency to it. I dropped everything and went outside the house. Anton was looking up.

I lifted my head and saw what looked a bit like a strange green cloud, swirling and spitting rays right above us. It was the Aurora Borealis! It looked like an angel dancing spread across the sky. I could not believe I was experiencing it. My daily invocation started with the words “I open my heart and mind to you Axan. Come to me with your celestial fire.” and there it was, the solar wind (star fire) descending down to the earth. My fiery angel lighting up the sky for all to see. The sense of oneness, gratitude and love was overwhelming…

resized-abramelin-op-mandala-11colourWe dropped everything, put warm jackets on and went out into the nearby forest to admire the astonishing display from the hill top. As we strolled through the forest I said that the only thing missing was an owl.  It was a very cold and frosty night and after about an hour and half we decided to go home. The lights had faded away quite a bit. Part of me didn’t want to go but we were cold and hungry and needed to go back. Before reaching home I had a last look at the sky behind us. As I did the horizon begun flashing and raying again with breathtaking intensity.  We went to the nearby meadow overlooking Moray firth and the Kessock Bridge.

We cuddled up  watching the finale of the aurora display when an owl hoot reached our ears. I felt a tingle in my heart. Soon the female screech responded somewhere deep in the forest. We carried on watching the lights listening to the owl love song,  filled with a sense of awe and beauty beyond description. Regardless of probability and the chance of all this happening, in my heart I knew that these owls were yet another manifestation of  Axan’s embrace.

During the 6 months of the operation I asked the Archangels of the 10 Sephiras to  give me experience of my HGA in as full and clear form as possible. I had not expected it to be anything like it. Both myself and Anton experienced clearly the force of this event on our consciousness. It felt like being thrown into the middle of a powerful psychedelic trip, only it was not and knowing that intensified our amazement. I was glad that I could share this with Anton. It validated and rewarded the alchemical dimension of our marriage.

Abramelin: Shadow in the Abyss

Another month went by and we received some sad news from Tara. Her beloved pet chinchilla, Puffmouse had to be put down. I guess I wasn’t the only one traversing an abysmal chasm. A vision of a fluffy ghost accompanied me for quite  a while.

resized-abramelin-op-mandala-08colourMeanwhile Anton succeeded in getting  a new job which he was about to start at the beginning of February. This would leave me a lot of space to myself and seemed like a natural time to advance the operation. I really wanted to up the game in preparation for the third stage but instead of improving, my meditations became erratic, disorganized and fairly empty. To my embarrassment I even fell asleep during a few of them! I was tormented by mood swings and recurring aches and pains, flu like symptom’s and few migraines. My attempts at improving discipline were constantly sabotaged. I began feeling like I had lost it and I was growing frustrated with myself.

Although my practice was far from perfect my study of cabala flourished. I spent a lot of time reading and had deep insights into the Tree of Life which fed into an understanding of my own weaknesses and strengths.   Every few days I would come out of my meditations with new ideas about all sorts of things.  I was driven by divine inspiration or perhaps madness. I figured that my main task should be to keep my mind quiet and focused. This seemed nearly impossible.

My HGA carried on visiting me and giving me encouragement. Some of our meetings were difficult, confronting me with childhood traumas, unresolved emotional issues and above all my own self doubt.  At other times I experienced pure bliss beyond description. Most meditations were simply peaceful and quiet. I still had a lot of work to do but I did feel that the worst part was behind me. I entered the final stage of my operation feeling both beaten and determined.

resized-abramelin-op-mandala-09colourThe last weeks of my operation were spent in very deep meditation, between 5-6 hours a day.  It is hard to describe these final days. I became completely immersed in the operation. The short time I could spend with Anton seemed like a different world. I was split between two realities and I felt like I was giving it all I had. At the same time I was still struggling to be disciplined and to conform to my own ideals of what I should or shouldn’t be doing. The further I got in  the process the more nervous I began to get. On some days I felt like I could carry on like this forever. At other times I wondered if I will pull through another week.

I began really missing my time with Anton and all the things I could do before I began the operation. I wanted to see my friends again and come back to writing my books. At the same time I felt so much in the other world that I found it hard to picture actually doing any of it. Lastly I began wondering if I can reach a conclusion to this all. Is there an ending?

 

 

Abramelin: In the grasp of the Dweller

Soon after I wrote my last blog In the midst of Abramelin the operation began to turn a little strange. Only couple of weeks before Christmas, Anton was made redundant. Our main source of income vanished into a thin air leaving us both adrift. The day we heard the bad news I went into my meditation shaken up. Needless to say it  wasn’t going very well.  Axan sent me a strong message to stay on track and promised it will be all right. Perhaps I needed a challenge.

resized-abramelin-op-mandala-07colourWhen myself and Anton looked at the redundancy money we figured it should keep us going till the end of March if we live on a budget. This seemed significant since it would cover the 6 months, a time I considered  as a minimum for my operation. It kept our spirits up when a couple of days later I noticed a job advert perfectly matching Anton’s skills, but we had to wait a month for the interview. Meanwhile the Christmas holidays approached.

I decided to make  Bob’s Christmas Truffles to cheer up our mood and added some used up herbs into the mix. The effects to my surprise were overwhelming. If I ever felt something even vaguely evil during this operation it was that night. It seemed to me that the walls were collapsing over me and that my altar was melting away. I had a sense that something went really wrong. The next day, on December 23rd as I left my evening meditation, Anton welcomed me with the news that Boleskine House had burned down.

resized-abramelin-op-mandala-06-colourIt seems that the Dweller on the Threshold had finally noticed me, but I was not about to give up.  Instead I fueled all my emotions into the meditations and study which was going pretty well.  Both me and Anton avoided talking about our situation and personal feelings as much as possible. It seemed better to keep them to ourselves. We faced the challenge together and gave each other all the support we could without putting additional burden on each other. It worked and my operation continued to grow in strength.