I was just over a month into the third part of the operation when I received instructions to intensify my efforts.. As soon as this happened my routine began swaying like a boat that is about to go down. I felt I had reached a dead end. I could not do anything more than I already had. Perhaps I wasn’t ready for it. I thought about it hard. The finishing of the operation was supposed to include the binding of the four demonic princes. In a sense the whole operation is about that. Every moment you struggle against different aspects of yourself and of the whole universe. You meet and confront your Shadow and your True Will is supposed to triumph.
After few days of failing to follow my HGA advice I began my morning meditation by writing a confession to my Axan in which I said that I am grateful for all I learned from them but that I wasn’t ready for Knowledge and Conversation after all. I simply do not posses the kind of power it takes to bind the four princes, my Shadow seemed too strong.
You might not have the power to do so but I do. I can bind them for you. You just have to let me.
The voice was spoken so softly and gently and yet with an obliterating force and clarity. I felt a wave of a deep peace and complete silence come over me. Axan gave me clear instructions of how to proceed assuring me that I will succeed if I follow them. I agreed. How could I not? I may have doubted myself but I learned to truly trust Axan. There was something hugely important about this decision. Retrospectively it meant doing what I feared was impossible and in itself it meant overcoming my Shadow. The inner conflict ceased. Anton kindly agreed to sleep in the living room so I could access my altar any time of night and day, should I need to. We rearranged our living quarters to accommodate this change. The following few meditations were as usual.
It was the evening on Sunday 06 of March’16, the day 168 of my operation. I was preparing supper before my meditation when Anton called me from outside the house. Dana, come over here! You have to see this! His voice had persuasive urgency to it. I dropped everything and went outside the house. Anton was looking up.
I lifted my head and saw what looked a bit like a strange green cloud, swirling and spitting rays right above us. It was the Aurora Borealis! It looked like an angel dancing spread across the sky. I could not believe I was experiencing it. My daily invocation started with the words “I open my heart and mind to you Axan. Come to me with your celestial fire.” and there it was, the solar wind (star fire) descending down to the earth. My fiery angel lighting up the sky for all to see. The sense of oneness, gratitude and love was overwhelming…
We dropped everything, put warm jackets on and went out into the nearby forest to admire the astonishing display from the hill top. As we strolled through the forest I said that the only thing missing was an owl. It was a very cold and frosty night and after about an hour and half we decided to go home. The lights had faded away quite a bit. Part of me didn’t want to go but we were cold and hungry and needed to go back. Before reaching home I had a last look at the sky behind us. As I did the horizon begun flashing and raying again with breathtaking intensity. We went to the nearby meadow overlooking Moray firth and the Kessock Bridge.
We cuddled up watching the finale of the aurora display when an owl hoot reached our ears. I felt a tingle in my heart. Soon the female screech responded somewhere deep in the forest. We carried on watching the lights listening to the owl love song, filled with a sense of awe and beauty beyond description. Regardless of probability and the chance of all this happening, in my heart I knew that these owls were yet another manifestation of Axan’s embrace.
During the 6 months of the operation I asked the Archangels of the 10 Sephiras to give me experience of my HGA in as full and clear form as possible. I had not expected it to be anything like it. Both myself and Anton experienced clearly the force of this event on our consciousness. It felt like being thrown into the middle of a powerful psychedelic trip, only it was not and knowing that intensified our amazement. I was glad that I could share this with Anton. It validated and rewarded the alchemical dimension of our marriage.