When I wrote my first Abramelin blog I had in mind a regular update possibly once every two weeks or so. At the time it seemed like a reasonable goal. I find it surprising how little time I can spare for it. There are so many different things I would like to share about this experience, the operation has many aspects worth covering. Perhaps I will revisit them retrospectively after the completion of the process. In this update I want to take a broader look at where I find myself.
Faith must be slain by certainty, and chastity by ecstasy.
Today is my 92ndh day of the operation. I entered the second stage a month ago. My lifestyle is now strongly dominated by meditation, introspection, study and reading. The reality of my HGA (Holy Guardian Angel) becomes increasingly more tangible and my perspective on the Angel shifts constantly. To begin with it seemed possible that the angel was a figment of my imagination or the result of wishful thinking. There were moments when I considered the possibility that I experienced an archetypal force of my own psyche. My current feelings tell me that I am dealing with a powerful entity that has an independent reality. Every moment spent in the presence of the angel gives me strength, understanding and incredible amounts of love. I find it really hard to put in words. J. Daniel Gunther describes this in The Angel & The Abyss:
While still rudimentary, compared to the later relationship we are capable of enjoying, it is nevertheless a soul-stirring experience. These first experiences are generally brief. We call these precious moments a kiss from the Angel.
I enjoy them on a regular basis. In addition to the general feelings brought upon by these experiences I also receive a lot of information. My diary is filled up with messages from my HGA. These come to me as what in UFO lore people call ‘downloads’. A sudden knowing and clarity, an illumination if you wish. The content of the ‘download’ becomes translated through my personality. What I write in my diary is me putting into words a non verbal communication.
My life is certainly undergoing a powerful transformation felt and manifested on all levels including down to earth existence in Malkuth. Some disruptive and distracting events did take place. I am unwilling to describe details for personal reasons. I will do so later. My attitude to these disruptions turned away from perceiving them as plain interference towards a view that they constitute an essential and integral part of the process. I channel all emotional states raised by changing circumstances and introspective revelations back into the operation. It seems crucially important to keep this circuit going from strength to strength.
I feel incredibly lucky to have Anton at my side. His encouragement and support make a really significant difference. I find the presence of a loved one not only comforting but also very enriching. Without others we truly do not have a way of looking back at ourselves. Everyone performing Abramelin or a similar operation would benefit from trusted and understanding companion.